Wednesday, 14 May 2014
My Pearl Clementine. Just when I thought my heart was already full to the brim, I am blown away once more by the fierceness with which I fall head over heels all over again. Twelve days after you arrived in the world, and I can't imagine our lives without you here. Though my attention will always be divided three ways now, I am more aware than ever just how precious every second of your fleeting newborn days is.
I never want to forget the warmth of your tiny body curled up on my chest, secure and content as you feel my heart beating against yours. Sitting on the cosy spot at the end of the sofa watching the sun go down through the big windows and the dusk turn to twilight while you feed nonstop during the early evening hours. The way that you are so small that for the moment you will only sleep at night lying beside me nestled safely in the crook of my arm. Your soft perfectly shaped head with your miniature ears and thoughtful eyes. The firm grip of your fingers holding onto my own so tightly. Washing the bed linen can wait. I have a whole lifetime ahead of me to do laundry but tomorrow you grow bigger before my eyes and when autumn turns to winter again you will be running around with your sisters. Leaving me watching in awe, proud and slightly in shock that your babyhood days have ended so soon. A bittersweet feeling of excitement for your future and all that is yet to come tinged with sorrow that I will likely not cradle another baby of my own in my arms.
So we take the days slowly for now, doing as little as we can whilst still keeping the household just about functioning. This is exactly where I want to be, watching, holding and getting to know you and enjoying being together. Venturing out here and there to fill our lungs with fresh air and show you glimpses of the world. Your big sisters cannot be kept from your side and every chance they get you are passed between their eager sets of arms, being sung to or rocked enthusiastically if not always gently in your swinging chair. Know that you are so loved by all of us. I still can't believe you're actually here, but every day the sun shines that little bit brighter now you are with us.
Love always, your Mama xxx