Wednesday, 29 July 2009
back from the green fields
Many apologies for my recent lack of posts and comments and general presence in blog land. I've been back at my parents farm for the past week, sorting out all things wedding related and steadily ticking them off our huge to do list. And in between writing the ceremony, finalising the readings, meeting with the florist and a million other things, this little lady above has been keeping me very busy racing around outside in her new wellies (possibly the dearest, smallest wellies I have ever seen).
We have been taking deep breaths and savouring the fresh, clean country air, taking the dog out on long walks and enjoying some wonderful home cooked meals. Bliss. The only thing that was missing was Curt (or in Lila's words 'Da-da') who unfortunately had to remain down in London working. I really needed the chance to get away from the big smoke, clear my head on a few issues and come to a few realisations.
I've had a strange month where I've just been feeling very odd about everything. I think the best way of describing it would be a mild quarter life crisis! Just a vague feeling of dis-satisfaction with life on a very personal level...
Of loving all the people around me so much but feeling unfulfilled creatively within myself. Of waiting for the future and for life to start and things to happen instead of living in the present and treasuring every second. Of putting too much pressure on myself and setting unrealistically high expectations. Of comparing myself to others with seemingly perfect lives and wanting it all. Of desperately craving material posessions and objects that will very probably not be the answer to anything all. And this is from someone about to be married to a man they adore, with a beautiful daughter, a wonderful, supportive family and everything in the world to be thankful for!
Sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed by it all and I'm glad I've managed to take a step back and get all these crazy thoughts running through my head into perspective. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Poor Curt has had to deal with all sorts of mood swings and erratic behaviour so no doubt he'll be glad that I'm feeling more like myself again. Sorry for this shamefully self-indulgent post that I clearly needed to get off my chest and here's to living in and loving the moment and counting your blessings :)
Oh and for anyone who actually persevered through all that rambling to get this far down the page, these polaroid images are all courtesy of a totally awesome downloadable application that my friend Kathryn alerted me to today called poladroid. So these are infact just ordinary photos taken by me and Curt which I've put into the poladroid application and seconds later they've come out the other end as these beauties. Very cool I think you'll agree.