Monday, 21 May 2012
Every now and then I get a pang to be fully immersed back in the working world. Particularly on days when the tantrums seem never ending, the work of feeding, clothing, mediating between two little people becomes overwhelming. I know I'm very lucky to have the opportunity do a bit of freelance writing and put on a pretty dress and work a couple of nights a week in a little local Italian restaurant where I can leave it all behind for a few hours. Where it's just me again, no babies in tow and a totally different scene. Sometimes I worry about my career, whether I'll ever be able to just pick up where I left off when Rose came along. In Australia children don't start school until age five and due to when her birthday falls, Lila won't be going for over another year and a half. Paying for full-time, good quality childcare for two children is prohibitively expensive, and not something I feel completely happy about doing. It makes more sense for me to be the one rasising my kids than paying someone else all every cent of my wages to do just that.
These are the crucial years, when they need me the most and I want to be there for them as much as I possibly can. This truth is that this job is more important than any other I'll ever do. I'm responsible for raising these small beings. For helping them find out who they are, what they want to do, where they want to go. For equipping them with the necessary skills to survive and prosper in this world. For making sure their journey to adulthood is a happy one and that they know they are loved no matter what. Nurturing, protecting and teaching. That's scary, mind-blowing stuff. Which I have no special training for other than my own experiences. That puts it all into perspective pretty quickly. I need to be the best I can be every day, even if that day just consists of a trip to the library and the park. Not only for myself but for them, they who watch and learn from everything I do. I can't control which bits they choose to take on board but I know I am shaping their world and more than anything I don't want to let them down.